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August 10, 2016

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Screw statistics; why wouldn't you give both of your kids the same option?

Is that what you're doing?

I actually used to have long conversations about this issue with a former boss. His point of view was that if he gave his son money for a wedding that would be an unfair advantage over his daughter since the son had zero wedding costs and the daughter had to pay for everything.

Thoughts?

That last comment is from me. Spelled my name incorrectly, stupid phone.

My thought in that case would be to discuss with the other family - if they also have the funds to deal with it, I'd probably hold out...if not, I'd offer the same offer to that couple (as two become one in marriage, if done properly).

My wife's father said they'd give us $10k either to pay for a wedding or not. We took the cash and eloped, celebrating 12 years next month. My parents, with no girls in the family, gave us the same amount as well after the fact. So we started off on a pretty good note to begin with.

Neither of us was big on weddings and haven't regretted our decision. We might renew our vows one day, just a small thing, but to include our kids when they're a little older (7,5,3 currently).

While I understand the shock value of wedding costs these days, the view is much different when actually planning a wedding. My fiance and I are planning our wedding in Chicago next summer and I can easily say that we will be in the 12% listed in the first bullet point.

Let me be up front and disclose that I almost had a heart attack when I started seeing quotes for things like catering and venue rental. I generally consider myself to be a frugal person with a healthy financial life and so is my future spouse. This enables us to foot the bill for what we want.

And that is the crux of it. What WE want. It is easy to say things like "just elope" or "you don't need to invite 2,000 people to your wedding". No, we want to get married in the city that we love and have our friends and family join us. There will be at most 100 people in attendance and it is still pricey. But we know what we are spending and we are moving forward because we are getting exactly what we want out of this experience and we can afford to do it.

So, in closing, I get it - weddings are expensive. But if the person paying the bill can afford it (and I mean really afford it, not be burdened by tens of thousands of dollars in debt after all is said and done) and the couple is happy then it was all worth it.

@JB -- I agree. It's your money and if that's what you want to spend it on and you have it, then that's your choice.

My guess is that most people don't really have it to spend and yet do so anyway.

Congratulations!

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